At 18 Ruby thought she had her life figured. She would change her major from science to hotel management, she aspired to work in a Michelin Star place, make her culinary dreams come true. All she had to do was convince her parents. She was great in kitchen, her parents insisted it was better of as a hobby and not a full time career. It was either break their heart or kill her dreams. She knew, she wasn’t in charge of her future. Her parents Veto-ed against her wishes and enrolled her in to medical school. My daughter will not be a cook, she will be a doctor, her father declared.
In other examples we have heard about couples separating because of their family’s inability to see beyond the specter of caste, social status and distance. At young age, a lot of people are unable to see the bigger picture or see people for who they are. It may be tempting to question their authority and seek what your heart wants but later on, the cracks begin to appear, masks come off people revealing them in their truest ugliest form.
The Veto is one of the harshest form of heartache. It essentially means you’re denied something or someone maybe because of your parents, culture, time or other moral issues which causes your relationship or dream to end.
Epic sagas have been written capitalizing on young love, Romeo and Juliet being one of the most prime example of The Veto. The Montagues and Capulets Veto against the love of the young ones and they end up dying for the sake of love. But was it worth it?
Boy and girl meet, fall in love end up together. All is well for a while then the facade comes off. It’s impossible to look over the quirks anymore, the little things that made you smile now irritates the daylight out of you. The career paths you have chosen takes you at the other side of each other’s time table, one fight and then things come crumbling down. Things get worse when family and friends get involved. People are forced to choose sides, fights become personal, hurtful words are thrown and the inevitable happens. Lawyers get involved and the dirty laundry is dangled for the world to witness.
For the people involved, words and actions are often taken out of context, twisted and made to fit each other’s personal agenda. Love is lost, respect is forsaken. Ego becomes the biggest motivator and factor of the discord.
It would be in everybody’s best interest not to indulge in further arguments and seek counselling’s and end amicably especially if children are involved.
The Unrequited Feelings
Another fodder for the movies and stories and novels, unrequited love. Boy/Girl has a crush, falls irrevocably in love and day dream only to be met with rejection or worse- friend zoned.
Infatuations, crushes, attractions fall under this category. Some resort to stalking, some create poetry, some just watch from afar with longing in their heart. Marriages and relationships that lack the passion and fire often fall into this category too.
It’s the most crushing of all feeling, the person you’ve decided is the epitome of your attraction and love doesn’t reciprocate your feeling. Even worse your better half has fallen out of love with you and there you are carrying torch of your affection for them to toss you aside and move on. It’s heartbreaking and often robs the person of the self-esteem, even making rendering some to lifetime of inadequacies and low self-esteem and detachment from further relationships.
What we can do best is to see the situation for what it is. Affirm whether the person you’re crushing on feels the same way as you or not. We might try to woo the person in various ways but know when to stop. There is a very thin line separating cute and creepy in these situations. People might not appreciate you collecting their personal information, address and that might sabotage any chances of furthering relationship. Know when to stop. Know your self-worth. Know you deserve better.
The limbo is when you have to question yourself, do you want to continue with this relationship or not. “Should I stay back or not?” The limbo is said to be the purgatory of all relationships. The love that was once there seems to fade into oblivion without the other one knowing how you feel about the relationship.
The best thing to do in this situation is to take time for yourself. Recollect yourself; immerse yourself in hobbies, new or old. Once you have sorted your interests and made peace with yourself, you know where you stand in the relationship. The only person who can truly control the situation is you. Love yourself, your sense of wellbeing is more important than anything, even the relationship. Whatever that makes you question your dignity, is not worth pursuing.
We might each be affected by one or combination of these heartbreaks, moving on or staying together is entirely your decision. Make your judgments wisely.